Brothers or lovers?
by ISmile4BTR
Summary: When I found out that Christopher Diamond was going to move in with my mom and bring his son, James too, I didn't have an idea about how I was going to survive it. But mom happened to love this man and I couldn't disappoint her, so I decided I'd try my best. And so little I'd known of the bully of my life yet, I'd never thought I'd even like him.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: all right, hi :) first I wanted this story to be a Kenlos one, but then I got an idea that would go better with that pairing while this story would be perfect for Jarlos :) so here we are. I'm starting this today and I plan to begin the mentioned Kenlos one too but there's a long way to go yet.. **

**anyways.. if you like it please feel free to let me know anytime :)**

**and read my other fics too! **

**and forgive me for possible mistakes you may find :) **

**xx**

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**Chapter 1**

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Most people would agree that there are very few more important things than family. You'd give your life for some of them, would do anything to save them from all the bad things, would do anything to make them happy.

But sometimes what is happiness for one, is agony for another one.

I knew this feeling so well, too well.

I loved my mother more than anything. I was a good kid ever since, always had been doing well at school, had plans for the future, and respected my mom. Truth be told I even admired her, because even after my father's death she was strong, full of life and worked harder than ever to give me anything I had needed.

She'd basically been raising me on all her own, because my father had died not so long after my birth. I didn't even know him. Sometimes it would upset me, but looking at mom who had been living a decent life ever since, could cheer me up. She'd believed in a good future for the two of us, so that's what I had to do too.

Everything could have been perfect. Her and me, and soon maybe a kind man who'd cherish mom as she deserved would join our little family.

But it didn't go that way.

Mom had been going out with a man and it wouldn't bug me at all if she hadn't wanted him to move in with us. They had known each other for six months, that was what mom had told me, and she believed it was enough time for them to build a relationship strong enough.

There was nothing wrong with my mother dating. I was happy about her enjoying life, and even this man was really a kind guy, apparently he was good to my mother, and that was all that mattered. But if he moved to our house that would bring his annoying son, too. There the problems started.

Ever since I had known him, I hated James Diamond. He was a selfish and rude jerk, at least I thought he was, and therefore I never in my life wanted this boy to be a part of my family.

So as the day of the official announcement came and the Diamonds were invited for dinner to us, I was in the mood to hide in the darkest corner of the house just so then I weren't to meet James the douche bag Diamond.

"Carlos, please." My mom begged outside my door. "Come out and meet them. I promise you they won't do any harm to you or me."

I took a deep breath and walked to the door. I had to do this. She wanted me to. It was important for her, but she didn't have an idea about just how much of a bully James had been. I never and I mean it I had never hated on anyone, but that dude didn't deserve better. He'd been hurting me since the first day I walked in to that school but I had never complained. I assumed he had had his own issues. One's hurtful thoughts and actions only come from their own insecurities. I was used to being others punch bag, so one more douche really didn't mean a thing.

But to have him live in my own house. No way.

But what could I have done?

I never talked to this James kid. I had been just me in my own little world and there he was on occasion disturbing me and throwing things at me and calling me names.

I had taken it all.

I wasn't more just one of the quiet nerds of the school, wanted to become a computer specialist.

And of course someone like James couldn't stand one of those kinds of kids.

I wasn't the only one he had been playing games with. If he had been in the mood he would say something to any sort of person that came across his way.

I was just one out of the many.

I would always be.

"I'm coming but you know that I don't approve of this whole thing."

"I know honey, but try it at least." She pleaded. And I couldn't resist my mom's beg. I had to give in. Again.

We walked downstairs and I was seated in the dining room while mom went through everything. The meal was perfect, so was the house. All ready. Me included.

What was awaiting for me?

Another opportunity given to James to hurt me?

_Sure he wouldn't do that in front of our parents so I might be safe. But what if they go aside to be busy with their things._ Uh. I didn't want to think about my mother making out with some dude. Neither I wanted to think about being left alone with James.

As time passed by and I was waiting for their arrival, I watched my mom. She was gorgeous and apparently happy. I had no doubts in myself, I had to do it for her. I had to take whatever was coming to me, because of her. She'd been only caring about me during all these years and it wouldn't be right for me to not care about her this once. She needed this. So I was giving this to her.

Just as I took a deep breath and tried to think about subjects that may come up during dinner, the doorbell went off. _Oh shit. _I straightened my shirt and pants and went to the nearest mirror to see if I had a decent face. Well, I had it, somewhat. But still I very much looked like someone about to go to a funeral. So I forced a smile to my lips and after drawing in another long breath into my lungs, I headed for the front door.

Stepping out of the dining room I spotted them. James Diamond in my house. _Oh fuck. _Slowly I started to approach them. Mom was telling them to quickly come in and as they did Christopher handed her a bottle of red wine and James gave her a bucket of flowers. He had this idiot smile all over his face, like he was happy about the situation.

Hell. I knew he wasn't. What was his reason to fake such happiness I didn't know, but this was more than suspicious. However, I pushed my bad thoughts back in my mind and watched his smile freezing when he glanced at me for the first time.

"Ah, there he is." Mom waved me closer and I dragged my legs into moving. "Sweetie, you've already met Christopher." She nodded toward the tall man who was just the same as his son, only a good twenty or more years older. I threw my hand out and he squeezed it. I thought he might squeeze the life out of it. But I didn't say a word and took it. I had to, for mom.

"Mr Diamond." I choked out. I was certain my head turned into some shade of purple. But his hand firmly held mine like everything was normal. _Do you not notice that I'm nearly fainting? _I wanted to scream but instead I just tried to smile.

"Young man. Good to see you again." He said looking me up and down and then finally letting go of my hand.

Then I caught sight of my mom smiling broadly at James who was standing on her right. "And this is James. Christopher's son." I didn't know a thing about his family. Ever since mom had told me that she had been seeing Christopher I'd been wondering what had happened to James' mother. But I'd never asked mom about it.

And now, we're becoming one family. My mom was going to be his mom. And his father was about to be my father. _Excuse while I go puking! _I wanted to run off and never come back as James poked his hand toward me.

I hesitatingly shook it. For my biggest surprise he didn't squeeze me to breathless condition. His touch was soft, and I noticed myself enjoying it too much. _What the hell was that? _As something warm ran through my entire body I pulled my hand away. _It couldn't be from this douche's touch._

Staring at the floor and counting the wrinkles on the wood I waited quietly while mom and Christopher chatted about something casual. I couldn't bring myself to look at James, even though I felt his eyes burning holes into my body as he stared at me.

We got through dinner very quickly. Mom was asking all kinds of questions about James and she finally figured that we were going to the same school. "Carlitos!" She gave me a dirty look. "Why did you never tell me that you've known James all this time?"

"I don't know him, mom." I snapped. It was true. I did not know a thing about James Diamond, but I didn't even want to. For all I cared he could have been anybody's son, but of course he had to be the man's only son who was dating my mother. "We're going to the same school, yes. But I don't know anything about him. You've never told me Christopher's last name anyways. I couldn't have made the connection."

"That's fair enough, Sylvia." Christopher placed a hand of his on top of mom's. "James never spoke about Carlos either."

"Well, it's just the way Carlos said. We don't know each other." James said as in response to what his father said, but never even glanced at me. _Fine for me._

"Now you will get to know each other." Mom showed off her million dollars worth smile and was proud of herself for getting me a brother of one kind.

"Whatever." I murmured digging in my chocolate cake already afraid of what was going to happen after this dinner is over. _Will they sleep here? Will I have to share a room with James to bond or something? No, mom can't force me do that._

Mom got onto her feet to gather the empty plates. There, dinner was gone and Christopher rose too. "I'll help you Sylvia." Mom shot a smile as thanks to him and they exited the room.

That left me with James.

For a while I was only staring at the table in front of me but then I glanced up and caught him looking at me. "What are you looking at?" I asked coldly.

"Uhm.. nothing. Sorry." He mumbled turning away.

I wasn't about to let it go like that. "Nah, really. What is it?" He'd been staring at me all night and thought I hadn't noticed. I wanted to know what it was about.

"Your mom is a great woman." James said. _Does he really want me to take that as an answer_?

"Okay, uhm thanks." I didn't feel like asking again. I doubt that he'd been staring **me** because mom was great. "You can tell that to her. She'll be happy that you like her. If you only knew how worried she was that you wouldn't approve of her relationship with your dad."

"I had my doubts." He told me. _He's seriously telling me the truth? Woah. _"But I have to admit, dad is happy. And they look good together. It gets the green light from me. What about you?"

"It always had the green light from me." I kept the eye contact between us. "Your dad has always been nice to me and made mom happy so I've not seen a reason of why not to give them what they want."

"You're just as kind as your mom." James sighed. And I could sense something in his voice. _Is he feeling guilty? Why? _"I wish I was like you." _Oh God! What?! He was feeling guilty for real! _

"What?" I couldn't help asking. "I mean, how come you feel that way?"

"Long story. No time." He snapped and pushed himself up turning with his back to me.

He was acting strangely. I really didn't understand him, but hell if I cared about his feelings. He had never cared about mine, so why should I?

_Because I'm not like him. _

_And he knows that. _

_He said I was kind. _

_Oh fuck it. _

I jumped up from my seat and ran after him. He was in the front room when I caught up with him. "Hey, wait, James."

He spun round and eyed me curiously. "What?" _Oh there is that jerk again. _

"I just wanted to tell you ... uhm, you know .. since our parents are together and ... we are kinda brothers now ... if you want to talk ... I'm here. We'll find time and you can tell me why you said what you did."

And then James was looking at me even weirder. I thought he was going to rip my head off for offering him a talk about feelings and all, but then his mouth opened and I surprised recognized his soft voice. "You really are too nice for your own good, Carlos Garcia."

I didn't know what to do, or say, so I just smiled.

Tonight was indeed interesting. James Diamond had never talked to me like he did today. It confused me a lot, but I hoped the confusion would soon go away when I get to know him better.

Maybe he wasn't even the kind of person that he had always seemed to be.

"Tell your mom please that dinner was delicious ... and .. thank you. I'll see you tomorrow." Without giving me a chance to respond, James stormed out.

"What did you tell him?" I heard my mom coming behind me. "Why'd he leave so suddenly?" Her facial expression nearly made me cry. For God's sake my mom wanted to please everyone and got upset too easily if something didn't go for her liking.

"Nothing, mom. He left because ... he wanted to." I calmed her. I didn't know why James left. _Did I make him uncomfortable? _"He says thanks for dinner."

"Oh, you sure?" I nodded. "Okay. I'll ask Christopher if it's okay that he has just ran off."

"Do that." I said. "I'm going to sleep now. Good night." I stepped forward and kissed her cheek. Then I ran upstairs and fell into my bed wondering if this James Diamond that had talked to me so kindly after dinner, was the same kid I'd known from school.

Sure it didn't seem so.

But apparently I was about to give him a chance.

I laughed out loud. It was indeed ridiculous. If someone today morning had said to me that I was ready to welcome this asshole in my family, I'd have told them off with my best knowledge.

And now, there I was hoping I'd see _this _James again.

Oh was I stupid.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: before everyone would start freaking out because of the deep Kenlos ending, I'm telling you this is not Kenlos and it never will be :) anyways hope you like it, more soon :) thanks for following! sorry for any mistakes that may occurred ... lol**

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**Chapter 2**

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On the following day of this big dinner night with the Diamonds I woke up very early. The house was quiet other than some fumbling in the kitchen, and I supposed it was mom making breakfast.

I was wrong.

When I stepped in to the kitchen I spotted Christopher making coffee and I noticed that the toaster was on, slices of bread already in it. "Uhm, hi." I said, unsure just what to do. After all I couldn't just go in there and get what I wanted without a word to him.

"Hey, Carlos. Early bird, are you?" He laughed quietly. Like he didn't want to wake mom up. Then I scratched the back of my neck and rubbed my eyes if I saw right indeed. Glancing around the kitchen I found a tray on the table with a thin vase on the left, one single red rose in it. There was some fresh lemonade, mom's favorite drink for the mornings, some butter on a little plate, jam, fresh fruits, and I figured much that the almost ready toasts were going on to that tray too.

_Woah. He's making her breakfast. Impressive. _

"Yeah. Only today." I realized when I caught Christopher eyeing me, that I hadn't yet answered his question. "My bed threw me out, kind of." I grinned like an idiot. Like a tired idiot. "And what about you?" I motioned towards the food. "Are you awake so early on a Sunday only to make my mom breakfast?"

Christopher shook his head. "Not only her." _Of course. For yourself too. _"For you too." _What?_ And then he spun around and grabbed another tray which I hadn't noticed, from the counter behind him. He handed me the thing and I couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks." I chuckled. "It's really nice from you." I said but I guessed that if I was made breakfast to, I was about to be told about something too. Mom was just like him. Whenever she had something to talk to me about, she'd make my favorite food or give me some money above the usual monthly amount.

But I didn't say a thing to Christopher, just sat down at the table and started buttering my toasts. It wasn't a big thing to make someone breakfast, mainly if it was this kind of breakfast, but it was a nice gesture and I really appreciated it. He was trying.

He kept going on with the coffee maker and soon there was the beep of the toaster. He pulled the slices out of it and placed them on mom's tray. He did all of that without a word to me.

I was now even more suspicious that something was coming.

_I hope he isn't about to ask for permission to propose mom. _I nearly choked on a piece of peach when that thought went through my mind. _Hell no! _

Christopher turned round and gave me those curious looks that he had shown me earlier. Then seeing that I was somewhat fine and wasn't going to faint right there, he lowered to a chair opposite to me. "So Carlos ... " He started hesitatingly. _Oh bad bad! _"I think it's time for me to tell you a few things."

"What things?" I interrupted, putting down the remaining part of one of my toasts. "About mom?"

"No. Not really. About James."

"Oh." I looked down at the food in front of me. _What the hell do you want to tell me about him? _"Okay."

After drawing in a long breath, Christopher re-started. "You know what it's like to grow up with one parent only." I shifted in my seat. _Is he going to tell me about his family? _"And unfortunately James hasn't been as strong as you have. And it's mostly my fault. I try to be enough for him, but I can't be. He's always needed a mother, but since she left us when James was only five, he doesn't have anyone. I've made my own mistakes, and sometimes James puts all the blame on me for him being mother-less, and he's partially right. But in a marriage, or in any kind of relationship, it takes two to play a game, you know?" I nodded as I noticed he was waiting for a confirmation.

_James had to grow up without a mom. Oh shit. _I couldn't imagine my life without mom. She was my everything.

"Your mother is an amazing woman and I see that she's been able to give you all that you need. Life has been tough to her but she's tougher and she knows and she's a real fighter." Christopher took a pause and I stared at him speechless. This definitely wasn't something I'd expected him to say. He was literally telling me all the things I'd been curious about.

"Sylvia is something I've never been. She's special for you and I'll never be that kind of parent to my son. And because of how fucked up our relationship has been, and because of all the things he's had to go through without a mother, James is dealing with issues."

_Oh. I've just found out why he's acting like a major jerk. The poor kid had to grow up in a shitty family and was lonely and obviously wanted control over the one thing in his life, over his social reputation. _

"He's a problematic kid, but anyways a good boy. I hope in that school of yours he hasn't done any harm to you, and if he has, I sure hope you can forgive him. You are lucky with your mom, but he's had to put up with me, and with all the things that made her mother leave, and it's rough. I'm not telling you to try and act differently with him now. Oh God, no. Don't ever show him your pity or he'll hate you for the rest of your life. I'm just saying that you need to understand him before judging him for what he seems to be. He is nothing like that in fact." Christopher rose from the table and lifted mom's tray. "And now, I'll take this to your amazing mother and tell her that you said good morning. I believe you're going to your friend's right?"

"Yes." I mumbled, unsure how he knew about me going to Kendall. In my confusion I didn't notice that Christopher was halfway out of the kitchen. I called after him once I looked up. "Thank you, for everything."

He threw me a smile and shrugged lightly, then left.

I sighed. I definitely didn't know everything yet, but it was more than I had known the day before, so I was kind of glad.

I did understand James. And it didn't even take me lots of effort. Since I'd known what it was like to have one parent, I could imagine his feelings. And although I was very happy with mom, I'd sometimes been thinking about it myself, what it would have been like if mom had given up after losing dad. If she had lost herself and she'd forgotten to take care of me and everything would have been much worse.

That was what happened to Christopher. His wife had left him, and from his words I took it as it was his fault too. If he indeed had played a big part in her leaving, it was obvious he'd been feeling guilty and lost and the little James had been in the middle of his sorrow. And by the time he had realized that he rather should be a better parent, it was late.

_I'm lucky that mom was able to move on. But then. Dad's death wasn't her fault, while James' mom leaving Christopher was partially Christopher's. _

With my newly got knowledge I finished my breakfast and then I got dressed and headed to my best friend, Kendall. I was intrigued what he'd think of everything. But before I started thinking about a way to come out with James Diamond moving in with me and telling about his family story, I realized I shouldn't talk about his past. It wasn't right and it would give reason for my dear friend to hurt him.

Kendall wouldn't do any harm to anyone, not even to a fly, unless they hurt me. And though we didn't go to the same school he always told me that he'd one day come and punch the douche who keeps giving me headache. I hadn't even told him his name to avoid Kendall going after him.

And although Kendall was a nice guy, he could easily forget about the way a young gentleman, that his parents had raised him to be, should behave, if it comes to defending his friends.

Knowing that Kendall had grown up in a perfect family, with a mom and father and a little sister, and two dogs and three cats, with all the white lath fence and big yard to their house, Kendall would just go to James and tell him that he was a miserable motherless fucker.

He wouldn't understand James. But I did. So I decided to shut up about his family history. But I had to tell him that James was going to move in with me, because the next time Kendall would be at mine he'd find it out anyways.

_I still can keep it a secret that he's the bully I've been telling him about._

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It was our Sunday ritual with Kendall to go to the lake and do some fishing. It didn't matter that we never caught anything because we couldn't just sit there as it was supposed to be. We had fun anyways. At that place we could talk through everything we wanted to, we were alone and it was peaceful, just perfect for two friends like us.

Sometimes when I got upset about my dad not being with me, I'd ran there to cry. Kendall was there holding me.

When I'd left kindergarten, I'd gone there. I'd missed my father. I remember that at those times I still had had memories of him. And although those memories had faded, I'd been trying to keep them close to my heart through all these years.

Same thing happened when I'd first gone to high-school. I nearly shitted myself on that very day, but somehow I'd managed through it and then ended up at the lake. With Kendall.

Of course, even though Kendall's life appeared to be perfect, sometimes he'd had his own moments too. When he'd first been in love with a girl from first grade. She was blonde and pretty and nice, her name was Jo. I was going to the same school with her but I hadn't told it to Kendall, because I'd known how heartbroken he had been when Jo had told him to play with other girls.

Then, one day, his perfect family had almost come apart. We had been little kids back then too so I didn't remember of a reason, but I knew Kendall's life back then had been hell. Any time he could escape the house he'd come to the lake.

This lake had grown us to be the people we were. We hadn't been friends if it wasn't for this lake. After a few times of us meeting up there when we both had had a bad day, we realized just how close friends we had become. We'd told each other everything and played together and busied ourselves only to not have to go home yet.

The lake had been a part of our lives. Whenever we'd said each other to meet, we'd known without a word that it meant meeting at the lake.

And Sundays had become days when we'd spent almost the entire day out there. Just to catch up with the missed times, that happened to be a lot of time separated as we had started to go to different schools and both of us had started to grow up.

But if all else failed, we'd always make up for it on Sundays.

And since this past week I'd not seen Kendall, I was very happy to have this day and tell him about all the changes that were coming to my life soon, and I was just as interested in hearing about him as I knew he had to be.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: every one of you is so amazing! I'm so happy you guys like this fic so far! thanks for the amazing reviews and follows and everything :) you're truly the best! please keep reading and telling me what you think :) **

**anyways I'll be away for the second half of next week so I won't be writing at all for sure... I'm going away on Wednesday and I'll try to write one chapter till then yet but I am not promising anything okay? Just look at how many stories I have to work on at the moment and there are other works of mine that you don't even know about :P so please be patient :) **

**love xx**

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**Chapter 3**

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When I arrived home from the lake I heard chatter coming from the kitchen. I knew it was dinner time, and it wasn't till that very moment that I literally had forgotten that James and his dad were going to move in today. _Oh fuck. _I hoped mom wasn't going to be pissed at me very much.

"Hey everyone." I smiled briefly. I first walked to mom and kissed her cheek, then turned and shook hands with Christopher and for a short second I was able to look at James and give him a little nod, just barely signaling that I'd acknowledged him.

Mom gave me the raised eyebrows and turned the stove off. "Just how do you think you're allowed to arrive so late?"

"I know mom, I'm sorry." I seriously had forgotten about today's importance, even though I'd been talking about James and his father to Kendall, I hadn't realized that everything was happening so quickly. "It's just ... everything's happening so fast and it fell out of my head."

"Sylvia, it's okay." Christopher stepped forward. "It really wasn't a big thing. After all we are done with it, aren't we?" Mom nodded. "So then, let the boy be. He sure is hungry for your delicious cook. Just like we all are." He winked at me and then at James. With that movement he made my look wander over to the brunette sitting quietly at the table.

A smile spread across mom's face, as an effect of Christopher's charm. Her frown softened and he was nodding to the cupboard. "Set the table and you're forgiven." I jumped into her neck and kissed her. I was so glad she didn't get upset because of me.

"James, why don't you help Carlos?"

"All right, dad." With that James appeared next to me and I handed him the plates. He then waited for me patiently till I got all the other things too and we were moving to dining room.

"So," I started a conversation, though my voice was weaker than I wanted it to be. "Do you like the neighborhood? Think you can get used to it?"

James placed each plate neatly on the table and shrugged. "It's just like most parts of town. Nice."

"Good." I murmured. "Which room did you choose? I suppose mom even offered you my room since that's the biggest."

"Oh she did." James smiled briefly. Somehow it seemed to me like he liked my relationship with mom. "But I told her I wouldn't take what's yours. Never in a million years." That was one weird comment but I couldn't linger on it too long. He kept speaking and I was glad about that. So far I'd gotten the impression that he wasn't a big talker. "I picked the one that overlooks the street. That way I can go out to the balcony every now and then. I like looking at the stars, or basically at the universe."

_Hmm, interesting. _I surely wouldn't have thought about James Diamond to be a lover of stars.

"Really?" I asked putting the forks onto their places.

He smiled, this time it was a wider one. "They are so mysterious, don't you think? Like you're looking at something that isn't even there already. The stars shining are already dead. You're looking into the past, yet it feels like you're seeing the future. Because, the sky is like future. You can look at it, think about the wonders of it, but you never really know what is in front of you."

_Woah. Deep moments with James Diamond. What the actual fuck?_

"That's pretty interesting." I managed to say though I was shocked just how big of a passion he had for stars. "Do you think someday you'll have a job where you can discover more of the big darkness?"

"I don't know." James sank onto a chair. "I'd rather teach about what we already know. There are so many kids out there who don't know about the sky they are looking at every night. And we get to know new things about it every day. I would someday like to be the one showing them all the wonders of the universe, and look back at my childhood when we only knew half of what I am already teaching them."

I was certain that this James wasn't the James from school. I stared at him from my seat for too long, and even though I knew I should have said something, I wasn't able to open my mouth. Or when I could part my lips, there were no words coming out.

"You're surprised, aren't you?" He asked grinning.

"I am." I mumbled. "I didn't mean to be rude or something .. it's just .. nothing like I hoped you would be .. you know.."

"Yeah." Now his face was getting sad and he lowered his gaze to the plate in front of him. "I believe I've been giving the bad impressions."

_He isn't saying sorry yet._ I didn't know what to say, but our parents came to my rescue.

The dinner was very similar to the one the day before. James and I barely talked. Mom asked me how Kendall was doing. "Everything is fine." I said simply. I didn't want to talk about his life in front of my new family. After all I hadn't spilled about my new family's life either to Kendall.

Later when we'd be in our own, _if that ever happened again, _I would tell her about Kendall being in love with one of his class mates. The boy was called Logan and as I heard from Kendall, he was pretty amazing.

When mom asked about Kendall, James' attention was quickly turned to our short conversation. _Oh he's curious who Kendall is. _Whether he was curious or not, he didn't interrupt to show any interest.

"Do you boys want to watch a movie with us?" Christopher came back from the kitchen with mom on her side. They went out together, just like last night, to clean up the dishes. But this time I wasn't left with James because as dinner was over he excused himself to go to the bathroom. He just returned when our parents stepped into the room.

I locked eyes with James. I could clearly make it out of his eyes that he did not want to spend the night with his father at all, and neither did I to be honest. Everything in him was nice, and he treated mom well, but I didn't have stomach to watch a movie with him just yet. "I promised James I would show him my telescope." I lied. "I think we skip the movie." My honest smile convinced Mr Diamond and mom too. Apparently mom was even happier this way. She was smiling big time.

Christopher nodded. "Enjoy yourselves then." And with that they turned around and made it out.

"Do you have a telescope?" James asked not even bothering to ask why I saved his ass.

I shrugged. I had it since I was little. Mom had bought it for me for a Christmas but I hadn't used it much as I had always been more interested in computers than the universe. "Yeah. It's a pretty good one. Interested?"

"Hell yes!" He was on my side with a long step. "And thanks."

"For?" I started walking towards the kitchen to show him the other stairs that led up. This way he could anytime avoid going through the living room. Just like I intended to do right now.

"Making up an excuse so we don't have to be around them. Not like I have a problem with your mom. It's more like my father." James explained. _I know. _I wanted to tell him I knew a few things but I made my best to shut myself up.

"Nothing to thank." I smiled showing him the way. "This situation is too weird right now and I know how you may be feeling... we're becoming a family now and I kinda get that our parents want us to be getting on well with each other but too much is simply too much."

"Yes, just like that." I saw the confused expression on James' face before he asked. "Where are we going?"

"Upstairs. It's another, kind of hidden way." I opened a door in the kitchen and it revealed the stairs. "Didn't mom show you this?" He shook his head. "It's going straight up to the corridor where our rooms are. Come on, I'll show you." I headed in front. "Close the door though."

"This is a great house by the way." James said.

"Thanks." We reached upstairs meanwhile. "My mom told me that the whole thing is my father's work. Before they had gotten married he had this ready for mom... and me... however I wasn't else than a light thought in my mind yet back then." I grinned.

"Did you know him?" As James asked that I opened the door of my room.

I waved him in while I answered, "No." I went to a closet and picked up the expensive looking telescope. I hadn't given a glance to it in years. "He died when I was seven months old. Mom told me that he was very good with me, and loved holding me in his arms, and always said that he couldn't wait till I would be old enough so he could teach me a lot of things. Like playing football, speaking to girls and stuff like that." My own words and the sadness that I felt for my poor father who had never had chance to do all these things to his only son, made my heart ache a little.

When I turned to the direction of James I caught him having this weird frown on his forehead. "Football and girls?"

"Yeah." I laughed checking if I had a firm hold on the equipment in my hands. "Mom said he was crazy about football and girls when he was younger.. and apparently later too, until the day he had met her. His love for football stayed though. But if I remember well mom often told me that dad loved telling everyone that now only he was crazy for only one woman, and it was mom."

"That's so lovely." We walked out of my room and approached James'. "I'm so sorry you didn't have a chance to know him better."

"It's okay." I smiled weakly. "I mean, I know a lot of things about him, because mom keeps telling me something new about him every once in a while. Lately she doesn't do it though, but I try to remember most of the things she's ever said about him."

James was speechless as we stood in front of his door. I blinked at him waiting. "Aren't you opening?"

"Oh." He reached for the knob in an instant and stepped in. "It's just a bit weird yet."

"I understand. Don't worry about it. If you need anything you know where I am." I followed him out to the balcony.

"Yeah, thank you, Carlos." Just when we arrived into the dark and a bit cool night, he said.

"You're welcome." I put the telescope down. "Well, I don't really know how to use this thing." I laughed. "I mean I tried it a few times, but nothing too serious. I had no idea what I was looking at."

He chuckled. "That's okay. You're very cute rubbing your forehead like that."

My expression must have been mirroring how surprised I was to hear him call me _cute, _because he nervously turned away and started doing something with the telescope. "I'm sorry for that." He apologized, _for what?_

"Hmm, why?" I had a guess why, but I was curious if he was going to tell me more about my cuteness or just pretend like it hadn't happened at all.

I watched him look into the telescope and a smile showed on his face. Then he turned to me, "For calling you cute. I mean, you're indeed cute ... " He got stuck for a second. "Shit, I said it again." _Woah dude. What? _There was another pause and he was clearly trying to look anywhere but into my eyes. But somehow he put himself together and started again, "I just don't want to offend you .. I mean ... your girlfriend may not approve guys calling you cute or something ... "

My jaw dropped and I stared at him blankly. "Girlfriend?" _Why the hell does he think I have a girlfriend? A girlfriend? Could I even look more gay? __  
_

"Yeah.. Kendall, your mom said you were spending the day with her and then at dinner you apparently avoided talking about her."

_Oh. _I was near to breaking out in a loud laughter but I held myself under control. "Kendall is not my girlfriend. God." I threw my hands in the air. "He's going to shit himself if I tell him that he was mistaken as my girlfriend."

"HE?" This time it was his jaw in need of being picked up from the ground. "Oh, God, I'm sorry. I just thought ... I mean I had a girlfriend ... Kendall ... oh shit. I'm such a loser." He collapsed onto the floor at the foot of the telescope.

I lowered beside him. "Hey, James, it's okay." I didn't know where to put my hands but I wanted to comfort him somehow so I dared to squeeze his bicep.

"Is it?" He asked desperately.

I nodded. "Of course. And don't worry, I'm not telling him this."

"Oh thanks, Carlos, thank you." He was truly grateful. I was truly surprised. "So are you single?" _Is he now really asking this? _

"I am. Single and very gay." It was out of my mouth earlier than I could have stopped. It might have not been the best idea to tell your new step brother that you were gay. _Oh my God. _I quickly got up to my feet ready to leave him alone but he pulled me back and I fell on my ass.

"It's okay." James said with a smile on his face. "You don't have to be afraid, I don't tell anyone if you want it to be a secret."

"It's not a secret." I managed to say looking at my shoes. "But I have never told it to anyone..other than my best friend, Kendall, who is very gay himself."

"Still okay." I felt his eyes on me so I looked at him again and mumbled a "thanks".

"So, will you show me how this thing works?" I asked popping my head up to the telescope.

James smirked. Oh he was waiting for this moment to come I knew. His earlier speech about wanting to teach kids made me decide right back then that I'd ask him to show me something from his knowledge. I knew it would please him. "Of course." He stood up and helped me get up too.

And we started searching for something out in the dark and endless universe.

How little we knew yet.

The thing we had both been looking for was standing right next to us.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: hello :) as I said in the last update, I'm going away tomorrow so there won't be an update on any of my stories (including this one) for about a week.. to leave you all with something to read and be excited for, I have this short chapter now :) **

**I really hope you will like it! Please forgive me for any mistakes that may occur. I'm still a human being.. lol **

**I love you, thanks for the nice reviews :) and new followers, favorites etc. **

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**Chapter 4**

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Studying the azure with James was a real good thing, but as it was getting late and cold we decided to go in. I watched James carefully lifting the telescope from its place. He'd told me that it was indeed an expensive piece, he'd called it a "treasure", so he insisted on taking it into his room and carrying it back outside every night rather than leaving it out there "unprotected" as he'd composed.

At that minute I'd made a mental note about buying some kind of protective tent for the telescope, so then he shouldn't bother with carrying the thing forth and back all the time. Although it seemed like a good idea for me, I could seriously picture him still not being able to leave it outside. He'd say "it feels better if I know that it's inside and safe".

I smiled.

His frame was beautifully lit by the almost full moon and I was glad that I stood in the shadow so he didn't see my expression.

I didn't want to give him the impression that I liked him too much, mainly now that he knew that I wasn't exactly straight.

But then he'd said he understood it.

Too bad that I couldn't trust him perfectly and I feared he was going to spread it in the school the minute he was going to get a chance to do so.

I wasn't ashamed of my sexuality but it just wasn't the way I wanted it to get out.. you know.

I was also afraid of what people would tell him if they found out that we were basically in one family now.

It was so unbelievable to see him being so kind to me, but so far he hadn't shown any disrespect towards me or mom.

_I wonder how long it will last. _I sighed closing the balcony door and waiting for James to reappear from the closet. _Till people are going to tell him how miserable it is that he has got to live with me, the loser. Would it be tomorrow? Or the day after? Or next week? _

"What are you thinking about so deeply?" James snapped me out and hopped onto the bed.

"Honestly?" I asked moving closer to the bed and then sitting onto the edge.

James nodded. "Of course. Why would I ask for a lie?"

"To make yourself feel better about something?" I wondered if what I said made sense at all.

This time James shook his head. "I don't think a lie would ever make me feel better about anything."

"And what if you ask your girlfriend if she loves you and even though she doesn't, she tells you that she does?" I had no idea why i started to speak about girls.

With another shake of his head James signaled that I was saying the wrong thing. "It would never happen."

"Why?"

"I would never ask a girl if she loves me. All of the girls, the ones I know, don't do love." He seemed pretty sad to me. I was sorry to upset him.

"I'm sorry if you have bad experiences." I said turning away and staring at the floor.

James slid down next to me, "It's okay. None of what happened to me is your fault, I know it. You don't have to be sorry about something you're not responsible for." His hand touched my thigh. It rested there and I looked at it like it was some kind of ugly thing, but actually I just didn't know why he was so kind to me. After all, it was me upsetting him a minute ago. I felt like I was missing out on something. James was too kind to me, let alone his father.

_Why are you seeking every chance to make me feel better? _I eyed his face and watched as a little smile showed around his lips. _You obviously like what you see, don't you James? _I didn't dare ask any of those questions though.

"So, what was it you were thinking about?" His lips moved but for a few seconds I didn't recognize the words he was saying. The way those lips formed to make sounds was ... a too nice sight for me to look at.

Looking into another direction I decided it was best if I asked what I wanted. "Why are you so kind to me, James?"

"I've been expecting this question." A heavy sigh left those perfect lips of his. I didn't question why, because I knew exactly why. So I let him think about his answer and my gaze turned back to him. "The right question would be "Why have I been so rude to you at school during all those years?". Because Carlos, that is the real problem, I know. And even if I say sorry for that, I also know that it is hard to forgive."

"Well, you keep surprising me." I managed to say because there was a too long and uncomfortable silence between us. "I suppose you're not going to answer neither of the questions. Right?"

"If I did, you'd hate me." Was his reply. His eyes sank into mine. "I know there's no excuse for hurting someone, anyone. Nobody deserves that. And I admit, I'm afraid I'd get the same treatment if you knew my reasons." _Should I tell him that I know about his mother? But then, if he's got another reason, or more, then I'd be blown for talking him out with his father._

"Do you want to know a secret?" I took his hand into a strong grip. _Damn, this is too gay. I hope you won't run out on me._ When James nodded, I started speaking. "I have never hated you."

"I told you I don't want lies, Carlos." He sighed releasing his hand from my hold. _All right. It was definitely too gay for you. _"It's fine if you hated me, or if you still do. And I hate myself for saying this, but I'm not sure myself how tomorrow or any other day at school will go."

_So he may be continuing to bully me. _

"All right." I exhaled. "I tried not hating you, because as nobody deserves to be bullied, nobody deserves to be hated without actually being known. I know almost nothing about you, James. And I couldn't bring myself to hate you, because I don't know your reasons. Reasons are not excuses, yes. But I understand you're hurt yourself, you may be. And before I go after you, I want to know those reasons, so I can understand you better. I didn't hate you. I was just upset ... and never understood what I did to get this. I mean, I've never been in your way ... and ... you know.."

I see him going still. I was certain I was badly missing out on something.

"You're too kind, Carlos. I don't even deserve to know such a good person like you are." James sighed and lay down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. "I don't understand how you can be so amazing after all I've done to you. I just don't get it."

"It's in my mother." I joined him on the mattress. "I'm who I am because she's been raising me to be someone and not just anyone. Someone that my papi would be proud of."

"He is proud of you, Carlos. I bet he's smiling down at you at this very moment, hitting his chest with his fits and yelling around heaven "that's my son, that is! See!". Just believe me, okay?"

I laughed. That was a very nice thought to imagine. "Okay." Our eyes met once again. I had to use the opportunity. "James, you're not a bad person either, okay? Everything since last nights tells me that you're a good man. I like this you, and even if you continue to be a jerk to me out of the house, I'll like you still, if you stay being so great inside these walls. Nobody is judging you here. You can be whoever you want to be, do whatever you want to do."

"Really?" James' smile was huge. One I'd only seen when he looked at the stars. I nodded. His hand found its place on my cheek. His skin was soft and warm, long fingers caressed me and the short hair behind my ear. I could feel his breath on my face. "I can be anyone and do anything I like here?" He whispered and came closer to me. Our noses touched and my eyes closed. _Is this really happening? _"I want to kiss you now." James said before crashing his lips against mine and moving ever so slowly and deliciously.

That was my first kiss.

And it was James Diamond kissing me.

_I must be dreaming._


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm back :) and so here is chapter 5! Thanks for the love as ever, you guys are awesome :) I hope you like this chapter, sorry for any mistakes that you may find!**

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**Chapter 5**

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I didn't know what happened.

I ran out of James' room as fast as I could after realizing that my stepbrother was kissing me.

My stepbrother who was James Diamond, who had never made an effort to be nice to me until the day he had moved into my house.

I had no idea what was going on with him, and I got scared.

Throwing my door open, then quickly locking it, I started to cry.

_The hell?! _I'd not cried ever since dad died. Mom told me so. I couldn't cry for fucking James Diamond. I crawled underneath the comforter and tried to stop with the tears but I couldn't say that anything worked. Sometime I fell asleep though, and I was grateful for the dreams about my father telling me that he loved me.

The next morning when I woke, I first didn't remember any of yesterday's events. I just lay comfortably in bed till it all came to my mind and hit me like a freight train would. I jumped off the sheets and headed for a cold shower.

Once I needed to get rid of my boner and the thoughts of James kissing me that only kept making everything worse. _I'm not going to jerk off with that thought in mind! NO WAY! _I was freezing as my skin met the icy water but it was the only thing working, I knew. I couldn't face the family otherwise. I needed to clear my head out.

When I finally got dressed and could put on a somewhat decent face, and stepped out of the safety of my room, I found myself staring into hazel eyes of a handsome, tall and very very sad James Diamond. I did not want to talk about anything with him, didn't matter the facial expression he wore. I needed to move away from him before I'd pity him for obviously looking sorry.

I took a step aside but he moved to the same direction causing me to bump into him. So I took a longer step to the opposite way but he was right there too and I fell harder against his chest. He chuckled, but I couldn't draw my eyes to his again. Keeping my head low, I slightly pushed his front and then ran downstairs.

The kitchen was filled with delicious smells of breakfast and I was surprised to find Christopher yet again being the one feeding us. After a while I'd start missing mom's cook and he was starting to take all of the let's-impress-the-Garcia's mission a bit too far.

"You don't have to cook for us every day." I snapped coldly as a respond to Christopher's warm "good morning" smile. His face went stiff not registering what was going on me and I just sighed. _How would you know? _"Sorry." I mumbled sinking to a chair and filling a glass with orange juice. "It's just weird for me to see you here rather than mom."

"Your mother will be downstairs in a bit." He said obviously trying his best to speak nicely to me even after the way I had greeted him. "But she is lately called in a lot. I told her I like doing all kinds of housework, including cooking."

I nodded. Okay, mom worked a lot. Really too much lately but I was getting older and didn't even realize her absence. Actually I was even grateful for the lot of "me time". _I suppose there won't be that much of that anymore. _"It couldn't be easy to raise your son alone." I said immediately regretting my words, but Christopher didn't seem offended.

"Yeah. I've learned a lot of things." He laughed. "Strange, but I know how to cook and clean and do the washing... all that shit a mother should know better. And then I don't know how to be the father he wants me to be, you know?" I nodded again.

"Is it because of the mistakes with his mother?" I asked and watched him slowly nod. "He couldn't forgive you?"

"Never. He will never forgive me. But he doesn't understand it."

"Why don't you try to explain it?"

"He's not interested at all. When I start going into that kind of talk, he always runs off."

"I'm sorry. At least he should listen to your side of the story too. It's not good for you two to be so far from each other. He'll need a father someday, and you'll need your son. And it may be too late when you guys get to realize it." I felt like my heart skipped a few of its beats when I thought about my father. "I'd give anything to have my dad here."

I nearly started with the tears again but then James appeared in the door and all emotions except anger, left me. I turned my gaze away, Christopher went on with cooking. James poured some water to himself and downed it. Then he walked out and in a few seconds I heard the front door shutting.

"Doesn't he have breakfast?"

Christopher pushed some eggs onto the plate in front of me. "Usually he doesn't. On better days he does."

Then I got up and emptied half of my eggs into a food holder. Then packed some bread next to it and pulled out a box of juice from the fridge. "Tell mom I love her?"

"Of course. Be good?" I nodded and smiled weakly tucking the food into my backpack and ran after James.

His long steps were hard to keep up with, but I wasn't giving up. I jogged next to James and literally shouted at him for not even acknowledging me. "James! Don't you get fucking mad at me for getting upset with you! You have got no right!"

"You have got no fucking right to talk to my father about me!" He snapped back and walked even faster. I broke into a run.

"Yeah, I don't! But poor guy doesn't know what to do to make you listen to him for one fucking time! I want to keep him hoping that you're sooner or later going to realize that you need to forgive him!"

"You don't know shit. Shut up Garcia!" I was yelled at just like I had been so many times at school. But none of those had hurt me so bad like this one did. James ran looking like he had no intention of stopping ever, so I gave up.

I arrived to school a lot earlier than I usually had, so I decided to eat my breakfast before class starts. I sat in the hall, there were a very few kids around yet, and they had never done a thing to me so I wasn't afraid of being seen.

Getting lost in the delicious eggs sandwiched in between slices of bread, I didn't recognize the person that sat beside me. I didn't even pay attention to be honest.

"My relationship with dad has been shitty ever since mom's left and I don't ... "

I cut him off. "Don't start with it. I don't care. James I can't do this. One moment you're telling me things I've never known about you, then you kiss me, then you yell my head off for trying to help. No. I'm not interested in doing this. Leave me alone and sort your things out."

It was so wrong to tell him off like that, but my heart ached because of his coldness. I didn't want to let myself fall for him, I didn't need this.

James stared at me like I was some sort of strange vision, then slowly lifted himself from the bench and was gone quickly.

Until English class I didn't see him. I felt bad for pushing him away when he'd wanted to open up, and I knew he hated me with everything he had. _I don't care. I don't care. _I chanted. I didn't want to care if he was hurt. But I did care. I was the reason and I hated to be that, maybe even more than he hated me at that moment.

But James didn't take notice of me, which somehow made it easier for me.

We were halfway through the class and I had no idea what the teacher was talking about. I didn't like English. Half of the time I was daydreaming, other half I was thinking what my next humiliation would be like.

When Mr Schmidt asked me something about the last piece of art we'd read, I was at a loss of words. _Oh shit. _

"Obviously Mr Garcia isn't that smart as he thinks he is." James' voice came from the back of the room. I didn't make a sound, but listened to Mr Schmidt giving a lecture to James about how to behave during class, then asked him if he knew better than me. And surprisingly he did. James' answer pleased the teacher and his little scene was quickly forgiven. But I was going to be going to the principal for having bad grades and not even trying to pay attention at class.

English was the only class I was nearly failing.

The one and only, ever in my life and mom was going to be furious about it.

And the whole class was laughing at me.

But I was so used to it.

I was released with a warning of words. _Thank God. _Although I was fully aware that mom was going to be called about this incident, I didn't care. She really couldn't complain about me. I'd never had a bad grade, always behaved well. She'd even asked me once what was wrong with me that I had been such a good kid, unlike all the others.

But now I was failing from one subject. One bad grade led to another one, and what if I was going to continue on this road down? I knew that this was why the teachers wanted to warn me, to make me see that I needed to put myself together.

It was so hard though.

Every day the bullying would go further and even though I pretended like I didn't care and they didn't do much to me, it was slowly breaking me.

Walking home I several times felt like wanting to cry. A few tears escaped here and there but I held back.

I successfully made it through the front door, then up the stairs and in to my room. I locked the door and lie on the bed. I did not want to eat, or to study, or see mom, or Christopher, or James. No one. I wanted dad to be there. So many times I'd wondered what my life would be like if dad had been there for me.

All three of them kept begging in front of my door to open up and come out but I didn't move from bed till the next morning. My little family with only mom on my side was now past. So were my excellent grades. And lately every little hope I had seemed to fade away one at a time.

I wandered downstairs. Christopher held mom as she cried. James stared at them blankly. Then he spotted me. "Carlos. Are you okay?" He came towards me but I pulled away.

"I'm sorry mom." I started. "I didn't want to scare you." I cried as she ran to me and wrapped me up in her arms.

"But what's wrong baby?" She asked, her eyes watery. I'd never seen her so worried. "If it's about what happened yesterday in school, baby it's okay. I know you'll make your grades right again. I'm not mad or anything."

"I'll study more. I promise. I didn't want to disappoint you. I'm so ashamed for being so stupid." She stroked my head.

"You're not stupid, son." Mom kissed my cheek. "I love you so much. Believe me you're not stupid. You're the smartest and strongest boy on this planet, okay? Doesn't matter what anyone says." I nodded. I felt James' eyes burning my skin just like the first night he had come here.

"Will you drive me to school, mom?"

"Of course I will." She smiled. "But first you're having breakfast." I followed her to the kitchen. Breakfast sounded good. I just noticed how hungry I was. And then mom would drive me, so we'd have some time for us. I could talk to her about a few things. "Eat, Carlos please." Mom pushed a plate full of food in front of me and I smiled. "I need to get ready. I wasn't about to go to work today in case you stay home. Be back in a bit." She kissed my forehead and left.

I started on my food and I could say I had a real good appetite.

"Carlos I'm sorry." The boy had a need to ruin my meals all the time. James sat opposite me, his face even sadder than the previous day. I shrugged. "I understand you're mad. I've been an ass to you. I'm really sorry, okay? I can't say it otherwise. I'm just a douche as you think I am and I can't change that. I shouldn't have yelled your face off. I shouldn't have hurt you in front of the class. I should have not ki-..."

"Shut up." I pointed my finger at him. I didn't want to be reminded at what we did. "You're all forgiven. It's not even your fault, okay? It's me! Dammit! It is always me! Because I'm stupid! Because I want to be nice! Because I want to help! Because I'm lonely. Because I'm fucked up! Because I'm a fatherless piece of shit! And it hurts me so bad when I see your dad nearly crying for your forgiveness but you don't even give a shit about it! It's always me! I don't blame you. I don't care what you say or do. Everything that's happening is only because of how I am! I deserve this." I got to my feet and walked out to mom's car. I yelled at him again but I had to get it out of me.

I couldn't let James Diamond to get under my skin. _No fucking way. _


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: heyho a new chapter is here :) i'm sorry it took quite long but school has started and blah blah.. you know the shit so well, right? so, thank you all for the love:**

_thesandbar, LoveSparkle, Kat nee-san, xJarlosxAustlex, **  
**_**and of course thanks to everyone else who is following and reading :) I sometimes may forget to thank you all but you know it I hope :) **

**apologies for any mistakes you may find.. here comes Kendall.. be friends with him :) he's quite awesome!**

**oh and read my other new fiction "Heartbreak boy", all of you who like this little Kenlos bonding will love that story because that is a Kenlos one heheh now, enjoy Chapter 6 below!**

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**Chapter 6**

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"The way he talks is the cutest thing, and then his laugh!" Kendall kept rambling on about how amazing just Logan was, and I did my best to pay attention at him, but I was certain I'd fail soon, miserably.

Ever since we'd headed home from school where he'd come for me, I was quiet. Sooner or later it would occur to him that something was up.

The past week had been very boring. I had avoided James, or his father, and mom too. I didn't want to see anyone. I had been doing a lot of studying so I could get my grade from English a little straighter. When I wasn't studying, I just lay in bed or sat at the computer, editing codes for websites and stuff like that. It kept me busy and relaxed. I didn't have to think about the idiot stepbrother of mine. I didn't need it.

But without thinking about him, my life had become empty.

I hadn't much realized it till now that only the mere thought of James could make me smile. He was a good boy to the heart, but sadly his brain could make him do bad things. He didn't know how to think with his heart, how to forgive his father, or forgive himself.

I'd told him I didn't blame him for a thing that had happened between us - not the bullying, not the kiss, nothing. But I knew better than to believe that my words actually had affected him.

However, I needed to be free from all kinds of thoughts about James, because if he got into my mind then I was screwed. From then I couldn't think of anything else, but the smile on his face when we watched the stars together.

I wondered if I was ever going to get that picture out of my head.

_And here I am thinking about him again. _Kendall and I turned to the street where I lived, and he was still talking. _Lucky for me. _

I caught a word here and there, _first kiss, _then, _his lips taste like cherry. _And some more details that in other situations I would not have preferred to hear. But it was Kendall, and he apparently was crushing on Logan deeply, so I just listened to his smooth voice, but my mind was wrapped around James.

Till we arrived to my room and Kendall threw himself to the floor beside my bed, I wasn't aware that Kendall did notice that I was not paying attention to what he said. But when he stopped talking and glared at me like I was an alien, I knew I was in trouble.

He patted the carpet opposite to where he sat. I lowered face to face with him and sighed. "So what is exactly going on in your head?" He asked.

Now I knew that he just didn't want to discuss my problems on the street, so he waited till we were in my room.

"A lot of things." I shrugged. "And yet nothing." I wanted to lie to my best friend like I had any chance with Kendall. He wasn't going to eat the shit I wished to shove down his throat. But I had to give it a try. _The big love of his for Logan might have blinded him a little._ "I'm failing from English. I'm trying to figure out how not to."

"Yeah, yeah. Do you think I'm a newbie or something? I won't buy that crap. Seriously, what's wrong?" Kendall slid closer to me and put his hands onto my knees. "Is it something with the dude who hurts you at school? Or something with your new family? You don't tell me everything lately, and ... well, it worries me, Carlos."

I bit on my lip. "A little bit of both. I didn't tell you because you are so happy with Logan and ... I don't know, I didn't want to ruin it?"

"That's a very stupid reason. You can only make me upset if you close up in front of me like you lately do. So please?" He lifted his eyebrows and grinned at me with the -come-on-I'll-do-anything- face.

I exhaled and began. "Something is up in this family and I don't know what it is. I'm having a hard time believing that James couldn't forgive his father after all these years. He is a good man and caring and loves mom too and I just don't get it why James won't see that. I just don't."

"Carlos." Kendall patted my knees. "You need to understand that not everyone is as forgiving and kindhearted as you are. It might be more than you know about and I'm sure in time these things will come out. And then you'll have a better picture about the situation and you may understand James better."

_Damn you for being so smart. _"Yeah. I'm afraid of that, to be honest."

"What?"

"Finding out what the more is, you know? So far I like Christopher a lot and I fear that if I find out what's going on, I'll hate the bloke just as James does."

"Yeah, you're also having a hard time hating on anyone. You need to change that Los. It's okay to be mad at people. Sometimes."

"I don't want to be like that. I want to ... you know be nice to everyone. Everyone's gotta get a chance."

"Yeah, but if they play that chance you don't just give them more and more."

"Well, I do." I shrugged. "I want to believe that everyone can be a good person."

"That's nice." Kendall said. "But it's not exactly like that, Carlos. It usually takes time for people to give other chances to someone who's once played one. For you it takes about a minute, because you are too nice and don't want to have a bad relationship with anyone. If Christopher has really done something bad that James hates him for, you're free to be upset with him too. I know you don't want to hurt your mom's feelings with not accepting him, but your mom can't tell you how to feel about something or someone. It's the choice of your heart. _Yours._"

"I hope he didn't do a thing though." I sighed throwing my head back and thinking of a smiling James. "I want to open up James' eyes so he could see how amazing of a father he's got. But if something ... bad appears from Christopher's past ... I'll be a fool for being naive."

Kendall's hands came to each of my cheeks leading my gaze back at him. "You're naive at times, but you're good at the heart and people appreciate that shit more than anything. The fact that you want these people who are still almost strangers to you, to be getting on well with each other, is very nice. You care about everyone and anyone, Carlos, you're a great boy, but you need to learn that sometimes you can be bad. When someone does something to you that hurts you or someone that you love, you just be bad and get upset over them, and don't feel stupid if you want to punch the shit outta them." His palms remained on my face.

"Okay, thanks." I smiled and he released me.

"You're welcome." Kendall chuckled. "Anytime. And now, anything else you want to tell me?"

I blushed. I needed to get this out. "I like him."

Kendall shook his head with a confused expression on his face. "Who?"

"James." I coughed. Kendall's jaw dropped.

"Wait. You like him like you want to do stuff with him ... touch him, kiss him ... ?" I nodded yes. "Oh-oh-oh-oh!" He started singing. "And have you guys had some action?" He made a kissy face and I threw a pillow at him.

"Aw shut up! See that's why I'm not telling you these things!" I turned ruby read and drew my eyes away from his.

"Ah come on, Carlos. I'm just teasing you." Pulling me back to him, Kendall's voice softened. "I'm your best friend, you say, can a best friend not tease his best friend?"

"You don't make any sense." I snapped grinning.

He started laughing, "that's my Carlos!" He clapped and then continued, "tell me everything!"

"There's nothing to tell. We kissed once. I freaked out and ... " _I'm not telling you that he bullied me ... oh shit. _"Things got weird and we avoid being in the same room ever since then."

"This was your first kiss, am I correct?"

I nodded yes yet again. "And just what did you freak out about?"

"He's my stepbrother, hello! I'm the only one who thinks it's wrong?!" I got up from the floor and started walking around the room. From one corner to another. "It's just not right. If things turn to the wrong direction then it will cause problems in our family and that would be very very bad for mom and Christopher. We can't do it. I like him a lot but it's not right. I'll just get over it because I don't even know him that much so it won't be that hard, right? It can't be." I stopped glancing down at my friend who still sat on the floor at my bed. "What?"

"It is never easy to get over someone." He said with a plain expression on his face. "You don't have much experience yet, but believe me, I know what I'm saying. And the way you're about him tells me that even though you don't know him that much yet, you are seriously into him."

"Ah no." I kicked the foot of my bed. "I don't want to be."

"Why?" Kendall finally got up from the carpet and pushed me away from the bed before I'd have done any harm to it. "Is he a bad boy?"

_Yes. _"No. He's a good boy with bad habits. But also he is a real sweetheart about things that he has got a passion for. God. I want him to be that passionate about me too!"

"Dude," Kendall laughed lightly. It was the kind of laugh when you pity someone. "You're in big trouble." We settled on the end of the bed. "Is he passionate about sucking dick or something?"

"Christ!" I pulled away from my friend and wondered if it was still my friend sitting next to me or some pervert that I for an unknown reason had mistaken with Kendall. "No! Jesus, ever since you know Logan you're bringing up sex in every conversation we have!"

"Because I want to have sex with him?" He wasn't good with sarcasm. "Look, I know you don't like talking about sex, okay, I'm sorry. Logan just ... gets me all horny and I can't help it. And I'm only asking this because if this James dude is a man whore then you are better off without him!"

"He is not a man whore. Holy shit, Kendall." I shook my head in disbelief. "Why do you even assume such a thing?"

"Just because. Someone with a past like that is not good for you. They'll use you and then throw you away."

I knew he was speaking from experience so I didn't push it any further. I decided I was just going to forget this little scene. "Thanks for ... uhm worrying about me. Now. Help me how to forget him. I tried with studying and avoiding him but we live together and I can't fucking turn round every time I notice that he is coming to the room."

"Well, yeah. You need a plan."

"God, you're very productive today." I laughed pushing him aside and nearly making him fall off the bed. Kendall pushed me too and we broke out in laughter.

"Shut up, Carlitos you little love bird!" It was pretty much like when we were kids. Back then it was always me teasing him with the love bird thing. Kendall could so easily fall in love with anyone. And with that he'd gotten his heart broken so many times over the tight seventeen years of his.

Exhausted from joy of our great friendship, we both lay back on my bed and stared at the ceiling. Kendall's arms protectively came around me. "I've got you, Carlos. I'll help you in anything you want me to."

"Thank you." I said. "I love you."

"I love you too." Kendall said tickling my stomach and then rolling me off the bed. I wanted to punch him, but we just laughed on and on.

Every single day I gave thanks for Kendall's friendship. He was the one and only, and I couldn't have asked for a better friend.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: guys. I'm very busy with school and work so please be patient. I hope you like it.**

* * *

**Chapter 7**

* * *

As we stopped fooling around with Kendall to get some air to our exhausted lungs, I heard the front door shutting in. I jumped off the bed knowing that it had to be mom arriving home from the grocery store and she surely was going to need some help.

I pulled Kendall up too and he followed me out of my room. I left my door wide open when we had come home, I thought no one was in the house. But when Kendall and I stepped out to the hallway we found James sitting in front of his door on the carpet.

Kendall eyed me for explanation, and then leaned down to me, "Didn't you guys give him a room?"

My elbow dug into his stomach so he shut his mouth up. I glanced at James but he wouldn't look up. "Let's go." I said to my friend and we made it downstairs.

Once Kendall knew that we were out of earshot for James, he started questioning me. "What was that? Why did he sit there? Do you think he heard us? Do you think he feels something for you?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, I don't care. I told you that it's not right. If he heard it then it's even better because he knows it too that even if he tried I wouldn't get into a relationship with him."

"Yeah, yeah okay." We approached the kitchen, but before we entered, Kendall grabbed my arm, "There is more to it, I see, and I'll find it out, Carlos. If this kid has hurt you, I'll get him."

* * *

Hours later Kendall was gone and I sat in my room studying. I was trying to study. But my mind kept replaying that scene when this afternoon I walked out of my room and saw James on the floor. I kind of felt bad for the kid. I said some pretty rough shit and maybe I was over-thinking the whole thing.

This case with my feelings for James started to give me a headache so I decided I go out for some fresh air. Quietly pacing down on the stairs I heard mom and Christopher chatting in their room. They laughed. They seemed to be happy together. The thought of my mother finally receiving some of what she deserved, made me smile every time I thought about it.

I pulled the front door closed behind me and headed for the bench on the front porch. I liked sitting there. Mom told me that dad used to spend a lot of time here. Being outside in the cooling night was a freeing feeling. I was thinking about my father, about mom and our new life. I wondered what daddy would tell me now. I wished I could remember his voice. But my memory betrayed me and it saddened me a little. I looked up at the sky and sighed hoping daddy was watching me.

"It's beautiful tonight. Isn't it?" I heard James saying somewhere behind me. _Do not turn. _

Indeed the sky was beautiful. At such cold night the stars were shining like they intended to warm up the Earth a little.

"Yeah." I held my gaze up on the dark nothing.

"You know, I was thinking how we should get past this awkward tension between us. Carlos, I really didn't want to hurt you, and even if you don't believe me now I have my reasons to be mad at my father too. I also know that this time is just as hard for you as it is for all of us. And exactly this is why we should forget everything and start a new page, or a whole new chapter." James moved and soon he blocked the view of the sky in front of me. He was so tall and so damn attractive it made me shiver. _No, it's just the cold. _

But it wasn't. It was James. I could barely make out his frame but still I knew he was perfect. Even if he was only a shadow, he was a beautiful one.

I started thinking about what he tried to say. Yes, I knew what we needed was starting a whole new kind of relationship. the one that brothers should have. But was it a good idea for me to push my feelings back and develop our brotherly bond? It would mean us being together more and knowing each other better and things would be even worse. But if I didn't give it a try, I could easily ruin the family. We needed to work something out.

Acknowledging that James had accepted my mother and me as part of his family despite all of what his dad had done, I realized that he deserved a chance. It would be hard on him too if we couldn't live together. Though I didn't quite understand how he managed to live with us if he didn't like his father.

I looked at him in the eye. "You don't like your father." I began. "How come you don't want to ruin his relationship with my mother?"

James seemed to be confused and caught off guard by my question. "My not liking of my father has nothing to do with your mom's happiness. For some reason she sees something in him that makes her happy and if so then I'm all supportive. Besides if they broke up we would leave this house and I would be with him again, all alone. It's good this way. Your mother is a really good woman."

"Okay." That answer was enough for me. I believed him, I wanted to believe. We had this little thing common. Who knew that James Diamond would put someone else's happiness forward his own? "What next?"

"We may go inside." I literally heard his teeth clattering. "I'm fucking cold." He pulled his coat tighter around himself.

I laughed quietly and turned round, he was following me.

We didn't make a sound till we reached upstairs. I stood in front of my door. "Do you think we could .. uhm do something together?" James came to face me before I grabbed the knob.

"Sure. What do you have in mind?"

"Do you like doing some sport or watching it ... or something you know.. "

I smiled. He was cute when he scratched the back of his head like that. "Yeah, anything you like. We'll figure it out."

That put a smile onto his face which somehow had gotten a nice rosy shade since we had walked in to the house. "Okay. Good night, Carlos."

"Good night, James." I hurried in to my room and blew out a breath relieved that we were making up, but at the same time I was afraid of just what tomorrow would bring.

* * *

Mom and Christopher were in the kitchen by the time I got downstairs the next morning. And James was smiling at me from across the table.

"Morning sweetie." Mom cheered and pushed a freshly made sandwich into my hands. "Did you sleep well?"

"I did. Thank you." Sanking in to a chair I smiled at her and then at James. "I was thinking about what we could do today."

"Oh?" Probably I suprised James by bringing this up.

I nodded. "Yeah there's a concert, Kendall mentioned it the other day. He's going there with his new friend and I thought we may join."

"Great for me."

"Is this concert today?" Mom asked interrupting my staring at James.

"Yes. Why?"

"You can't stay out too long because tomorrow you'll have school."

"We'll be fine, mom." I wanted to go and James apparently liked the idea too.

"Let them go, love." Christopher stepped to mom and putting a hand of his onto her shoulder, he said. They exchanged a few glances that probably was their quiet arguing, then mom turned to me and nodded approvingly.

I exhaled a sigh of relief and heard James doing the same.

We had breakfast, mom and Chris (he insisted on me calling him that) chattered on and on but neither James nor me gave much attention to what they said. I know my mind was somewhere else. I couldn't stop thinking of what just made James hate his father so much and yet how he could live with him and accept mom and I as his new family. Though I didn't know what James was thinking about, I guessed that he wasn't exactly present either. He seemed to be very off and I supposed it was because of our upcoming activity after school.

I was nervous.

The thought of school I didn't like.

Deep silence hugged us as we walked down the streets. I wasn't sure just what to tell to James. i didn't want to push my luck. He wanted to be friends and if he meant it then I was willing to try. And I wasn't going to ruin it. But fuck. He looked so handsome that morning. His hair was a mess, he obviously hadn't had a comb in his hand in the morning. And he wore tight jeans and a white shirt. The top two buttons were undone. I could fucking see some of his chest hair. _Gosh! He's got chest hair! _

"What are you lookin' at?" He caught me staring.

"Uhm, nothing." I hoped he'd let it go. I noticed that he glanced down at himself trying to figure out what I had been watching. "I just think you wear that shirt better than another guy that I saw the other day." _A quick lie may save me._

"Of course I wear it better. I wear anything better than anyone would." A little arrogance as it appeared was in James. God knew I even liked it in him. He was spying me for a reaction with a wide grin on his face. I was sure that he somehow knew I lied. But I didn't much care. Finally I turned to him and laughed a little.

It was always easy with James. Even if it at first sight it seemed to be an awkward beginning, we managed to move past the difficulties. "I'll wear this same outfit tonight. You think I'll be good?"

"I think you will." I assured him. "You'll melt hearts and panties."

"Yeah. Or the other thing." He winked.

I just grinned embarrassed, already aware that my underwear was melted. _It's going to be tougher than I thought to be your friend. _

"I know it's probably not the best topic to talk about, but are you looking for a relationship?" I had absolutely no clue why I had to ask just that out of the million questions that I had in mind.

James shrugged. "Not really. If someone cute comes up, yeah I may give it a shot, but anyways I'm not pushing it, you know."

"I see." I kept walking.

"Why did you ask?"

"I was just curious. I mean, you're quite the type who looks like one that shouldn't go a day alone."

"Yeah people keep telling me that." Some sort of sadness settled in his voice. "But a little loneliness is good for everyone. It's not in the looks anyways. You can be anyone, anywhere in the world. Everyone has got a soul mate. I think it's better to not push it. It will come around. When the time is right."

"Maybe." I wondered if I should tell him. "I've never had anyone. Actually, you were my first kiss." Looking up at him I was seeking for an answer, but eventually I realized there wasn't going to be one. I put ourselves into silence again. _Congratulations, Carlos. Winner of killing a conversation. _

But I just couldn't think straight when James was around.

How I was going to deal with the rest?


End file.
